Why the Smoking Hot Single Woman Only Wants You When You’re Married


“You wanted me unavailable.” He said, slumping into the chair as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

“She got this side of you.” She said, breathing hard and wiping her foaming mouth.

That sealed their heated argument. And sealed their breakup.

Which was weird because wasn’t this what they’d wanted all along? All those stolen moments making love in hotel rooms with obscure names in the middle of nowhere. All those late-night phone calls when he sneaked in the bathroom with the lights off, thinking his wife wouldn’t smell a rat.

Only she did. A wife always knows.

Yet, when it came down to it, when he finally pulled the plug on his marriage, a different wind started to blow. The excitement and passion dwindled. Where did all that scorching heat between the sheets go?

What he didn’t know was that she desired him only because she couldn’t have him. He was more attractive and exciting that way.

But this? This she didn’t want. So she ended it, throwing him out with the trash.

This right here is one of the many reasons single women find married men attractive: They’re unavailable.

So many married men are built up by desire from the single, gorgeous woman, only to be torn down and left to bleed when they finally choose her over their wives.

I’ve been pursued by many married men, and I’ll admit, it feels kinda good. Being desired feels good. But the story of a married man preying on a hot chick is yesterday’s news. So we’ll not go there.

What’s not spoken about as much — or is spoken in hushed tones if that — is when the single attractive woman pursues and sometimes even stalks a married man because she sees him as a hot catch.

At times, sex and feelings have nothing to do with it. It’s the bittersweetness of the chase.

Let’s be honest for a sec. There’s a thrill in the chase. Though short-lived and risky, those stolen moments in hotel rooms are exciting, sexy, and dreamy. They give people the break they desperately need, especially now that our lives are so stressful.

For so many people, these are moments worth living for. It’s like having a quickie; you get that energy to keep doing your thing for the rest of the day.

The single girl will wax and look the part for just a day with Mr. Forbidden because it makes her feel good about herself. And he will sneak from work just to let loose and breathe for a minute before he gets back to his wife and kids.

These stolen moments line their dark clouds with some silver.

Often, it’s not because they want a happily ever after. Nah. It’s that the thrill of the chase is enough adrenaline to keep them going. It’s the lifeline that keeps them afloat so that they can give themselves to the other aspects of their lives, especially if they aren’t working out.

When your life feels off-balance, you’ve got to hang on to something or find a distraction. Some affairs have nothing to do with emotions, they are just a distraction, a lifeline to help two people keep going.

If another woman has you, then you must have something special. And the single woman wants in too.

At the risk of stating the obvious, an unavailable man is attractive. Given a choice between a married and single man, a whopping 90 percent of single women will snuggle next to the attached guy anytime.

Why? He’s much more attractive than the single dude. Yes, even with the hanging belly. There’s a perfect psychological reason for this, and it all starts with that wedding ring.

For starters, a wedding ring or having a woman on your arm alone gives single women goosebumps. They want you. You appear more valuable and desirable when another woman has already claimed you.

Women are highly social creatures, and the opinions of another woman matter too much.

This is why, if another woman wants you and has gone so far as to claim you by getting married to you, then you must be worth it. This means Ms. Single Woman doesn’t need to do the dirty work of finding another worthy man, because hey, you’re already there, set up, cleaned up, and all. A wedding ring is enough proof. So she wants in on what your wife has.

In my digging, I also found out that when other women desire a man, his attractiveness goes up notches high, and in fact, more single women want to bed a man who has a woman by his side than one without.

Photo by CRYSTALWEED cannabis on Unsplash

There are way too many immature men in the single male kingdom, and single women don’t have time for that crap.
Want proof?

Head over to dating sites and see how much immaturity lives there. I’ve always been a huge supporter of online dating because it works. I’ve seen women find decent high-value men by simply swiping right.

But I also know it takes a lot of sifting through the forest of boys in grown men’s pants. And that’s where most decent single women wash their hands.

This immaturity isn’t just online, though. Ask any woman in her 30s, and she’ll give you at least one horror story that circles back to one head-scratcher: “Y’all have all the good men fallen off the face of the earth?”

Enter Mr. Married Man.

But hold up. It’s not to say he’s flawless. No dude is. He’s just gone full circle and is done with the games and the lies. He takes life seriously, has a job, can cook a meal or two, and keeps a clean house.

Women don’t ask for much, just that he can take care of himself. If you’re looking for a guy to party with all night, this isn’t your guy. He’s not living with his mother either because he’s a grown man. And all these things add up, making him a hot catch for the single woman.

But, you know what else adds sizzle to the spark? A married man with kids.

Yes. It adds another feather to his cap because now you know he’s responsible too. It’s not all about him. Few things are as sexy to a woman as a man who can change a diaper and still make it to his kid’s tennis game. Because not many men can be bothered to do this.

If you’ve ever wondered why most affairs start at school events and pediatricians’ offices, wonder no more.

The huge attraction point is this: If he can spread his wings and care for someone else, he can take care of you too. That’s what the single woman wants.

Married men treat single women like princesses, and no woman can reject that.

Of course, he has something to prove. He thinks he can give her what she wants even though what she wants is very different from what he thinks she wants. Yea, it’s a conundrum and an article for another day.

But the point is, when a married man is having an affair, he’s trying to prove something, both to his woman and to himself.

He’s proving to her that he can offer her sexual, financial, and emotional security while simultaneously proving to himself that he is still romantically desired and physically wanted.

That he’s relevant, that he stands for more than the guy who mows the lawn. It’s something he’s probably not getting at home because his wife is strung out and dry all the time.

She ain’t got time to play.

But with the single woman, it’s a symbiotic relationship. They feed off each other. Because he’s getting fed — literally and metaphorically — he devotes himself to her.

He’s at her beck and call. She pulls the strings, and he dances to her tune. Now, show me a woman who doesn’t want that, and I’ll show you a pretty little liar.

The single woman doesn’t get the whole package of the married man, and this keeps the spark alive.

Ask any woman, and they’ll concur that Barack Obama is eye candy. It’s the swag, the lean body, and the sparkling white teeth. He drips charisma.

You’d think he’s the epitome of perfection until you flip through the pages of his wife’s book Becoming.

The curtains are drawn, and you see traces of disorganization. She talks of The Hole — his thinking room that’s stuffed with books and notes in a disorderly fashion. There’s also the fact that he’s not the best timekeeper. Dude was late for their first meeting.

But what do we see looking outside in? A well-decorated, successful, charismatic, married man who rose from nothing and made his mark in the history books.

The point?

Every mature, responsible, successful, dependable, full-package, high-quality man comes with a not-so-pleasant side that only the woman who truly loves him gets to see. And live with.

Wives have to deal with earth-shaking snores in the middle of the night. They take damp towels out to dry because their husbands can’t be bothered to do it. They find missing socks and replace old and tired outfits so that he can look the part. You get the drift.

For every well-groomed married man out there, is a woman holding him up, doing the mundane things, so that he can get out and kick-ass, which makes him that much sexy and prey for the single woman.

It’s this side that most single, smoking hot women never get to see. If they did, they’d probably think twice about these same men. At times, seeing half the picture is exactly what keeps the spark alive.

Some women are downright narcissists and will stop at nothing to make themselves feel good.

Once, at a friend’s party, this single woman asked my friend’s husband to help her put her shoes on.

After she picked up her jaw from the floor, my friend let out a mean smile and whispered, “His hands are for my feet only.”

The truth is that there’s a breed of women who need serious psychological help. I don’t know whether someone dropped them when they were babies, but they have this incessant desire to destroy something good just because another woman has it.

Most single women prey on married men not because they want to get laid but because they derive great pleasure from watching other women bleed. It’s sick. They’re sick. Narcissistic people feel powerful by making others smaller.

This crap doesn’t just unfold on TV, though. It’s more rampant among friends because? One word: Jealousy. Nothing kills relationships faster than the green-eyed monster.

I’ve seen tons of married women keep their husbands as far away as possible from their single friends because they can’t keep their hands to themselves. Also, they aren’t willing to do the work of molding a man into how they want him to be, so they shamelessly snatch the closest ready-made one.

Then to justify their actions, they spin the narrative the other way, branding their married girlfriends as insecure.

If you’re a man who is a target, just know at times, it’s not always your body or wallet she’s after. You’re just a means to an end. She’s using you to tick some psychological checklist that you have no knowledge of.

As a woman, I assure you that some of us will cross any line possible to get what we want. Yup. Some women masquerading as friends are venomous snakes slithering in your garden. Watch out.

This post was previously published on medium.com.


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