.
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In this week’s brand-new video, I invite you to play a game with my brother Stephen and me as we dive into a topic everyone’s asking about: red flags and amber lights (or “yellow lights” depending on where you live).
While I’m guessing you’ve heard of the dangers of red flags, amber lights can be misunderstood. In fact, they can do one of two things: they can either reveal a major compatibility flaw between you and the person you’re dating, OR if appropriately handled and resolved, they can bring you closer together and even be the making of your relationship.
This is not the case with red flags, however, and when you ignore them, you do so at your peril.
P.S. Be sure to stay until the end, where I give you information on how you can attend my upcoming Masterclass, which will be laser-focused on “How to Spot Red Flags in Early Dating.”
Transcript provided by YouTube:
00:00
[Music]
00:04
should we do this as like overrated
00:06
underrated but on what people say are
00:08
red flags yeah a bit like that i mean
00:10
some of these are some of these are
00:11
ridiculous okay but yeah go on well
00:14
let’s see um
00:16
okay so this is this is a very popular
00:18
one but it’s
00:20
people who are rude to service workers
00:22
some per can’t stand it
00:25
yes okay i i agree with that
00:27
appropriately rated yeah i i i you’ve
00:30
got to pay attention to how people treat
00:32
those who
00:34
they feel can do nothing for them
00:36
um
00:37
yeah yeah
00:39
waiters it always seems the focus always
00:40
seems to be waiters
00:43
yeah i know it’s always weird i do feel
00:44
like we should be talking you know let’s
00:46
talk about let’s include everyone in the
00:48
mix um but i it’s always you know
00:51
there’s a very very defensive about
00:52
waiters in particular but i do i do
00:54
agree anyone who
00:56
doesn’t anyone who you think i don’t
01:00
need anything from this person
01:03
if that if you’re rude or mean to that
01:06
person or dismissive of that person
01:09
then that that tells you a lot about
01:11
what you need to know because
01:12
you may one day be someone they decide
01:15
they don’t need and be on the receiving
01:17
end of that kind of behavior so yeah i
01:20
agree with that one i think a nice uh
01:22
way to look at it is
01:24
if someone just treats that person
01:25
they’re never going to see again
01:27
like oh okay well
01:29
i can just be as mean as i want to be
01:31
it’s sort of like you get to your
01:32
natural get to that you get to see that
01:34
person in their natural environment yeah
01:36
there’s just no more future here
01:38
what kind of energy do they leave that
01:40
person with do they leave them with the
01:41
negative energy or do they just have a
01:44
default positive interaction
01:46
what what about if someone
01:48
is what if someone tries too hard with
01:50
the waiter
01:53
yeah like they’re just really oh that’s
01:55
interesting like they really over
01:57
ingratiate themselves with anyone they
01:59
speak to who’s yeah yeah is that a red
02:02
flag that might be the m but that might
02:04
be the amber one that’s like a slight
02:07
i’m i’m up i’m up turning one eyebrow at
02:09
that
02:10
and i’m not sure if they’re trying too
02:12
hard to be friends with everyone we
02:14
encounter you go
02:15
narcissist
02:18
is this so like is this someone who
02:20
needs everyone to love them i i’ve i you
02:23
know there are people i’ve met in my
02:25
life that that i’ve
02:27
you know
02:28
they
02:29
they meet me and charm the pants off me
02:33
and i’m just like you know that person
02:35
when you leave them you’re like oh yeah
02:37
they’re such a cool guy
02:39
ah so nice and that like they made you
02:41
feel so good
02:43
and then
02:45
and then if you were to spend like more
02:46
than a couple of hours with them in
02:48
different environments you can literally
02:50
spot them doing it with the next person
02:53
and the next person and the next person
02:55
and then you just go
02:57
oh
02:59
i didn’t
03:00
i don’t feel as special anymore
03:06
this is what i thought that was your
03:07
number one yeah exactly
03:10
no i i do think when someone’s trying
03:12
too hard to charm everybody that’s a red
03:14
flag to me
03:16
okay how about this one uh
03:18
when they like pineapple and pizza
03:22
no that come on have you if you can’t
03:24
have your pizza the way you want it then
03:26
what has this world come to
03:28
fair enough there’s like there’s a lot
03:30
of suffering in life pizza is one of the
03:32
few times
03:34
that you get to escape the
03:36
realities of everyday existence and just
03:39
lose yourself in cheese and dough and
03:42
sauce and whatever the hell you want
03:45
i if you don’t there’s a it’s a red flag
03:48
if you’re judging people that hard on
03:49
their pizza shame on you
03:51
you know you’re actually on to something
03:52
there matt i think there was a study
03:55
um i heard this on a different podcast
03:57
the study came up and there’s like a
03:58
psychologist and a philosopher talking
04:00
about a ridiculous study about how
04:02
people that eat more adventurous foods
04:06
are seen to be
04:08
more
04:09
sexually attractive or at least more
04:11
sexually experienced or in they’re into
04:14
more weird sexual stuff really so sort
04:17
of like that weird prudish i want to
04:19
judge the food
04:21
there is kind of an element of like oh
04:22
well in the bedroom they’re probably
04:24
pretty judgy as well
04:26
interesting so i thought you were going
04:28
to say that people who had pineapple on
04:29
pizza were probably good in bed because
04:32
you know
04:32
pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza
04:35
well if they are open to it the
04:37
pineapple
04:38
who knows oh i say so you can use the
04:41
pineapple has become the pineapple test
04:44
see if they will eat
04:46
i mean oh look i i i don’t think you
04:48
should judge people for their pizza um
04:52
that being said my girlfriend likes
04:53
pineapple on her pizza and i won’t touch
04:55
it
04:56
she okay i will not we will put it we’ll
04:59
go halves
05:01
she will have her toppings on her sides
05:03
they
05:04
will not straight you know like an
05:05
office desk where you just you’re like
05:08
get your papers off of my desk
05:10
with someone next to you as i am with my
05:13
pizza get that stray bit of pineapple
05:16
off my slice
05:18
eat your pineapple i won’t judge you but
05:21
keep it away from me
05:22
next one um
05:25
hating all their exes stories about how
05:28
they’ve been victimized by everyone
05:30
oh that’s a good one
05:32
that’s a good one that’s classic yeah
05:35
it’s like it was just like people who
05:36
hate everybody in general you know like
05:38
when you meet someone who’s just like
05:40
just soak imaginally that everyone
05:43
just that person lacks empathy they
05:45
don’t they’ve stopped identifying with
05:47
other people at all and ex and created
05:51
an exception out of themselves
05:53
and uh
05:54
when someone does that with their exes
05:56
it’s the same thing it’s the there seems
05:58
to be this inability to realize that you
06:02
you seem to one of two things is true
06:05
either they’re not as bad as you say
06:07
they are and you’re the problem
06:09
or
06:10
you keep choosing really shitty people
06:13
in which case you’re still the problem
06:15
right
06:16
yeah but you enjoy complaining about
06:18
everyone all the time that you’ve dated
06:20
but maybe that
06:22
this energy should be put into making a
06:24
different choice
06:26
than continuing to choose the same
06:27
people and then complaining about them
06:29
that smacks to me of someone who’s
06:30
addicted to the same story
06:33
so another one this is from netflix
06:36
themselves matt they’ve got in on the
06:38
fun and they said
06:40
when they press skit skip intro on the
06:43
first episode
06:45
so they don’t even listen to the theme
06:47
song once
06:48
or the intro of a show
06:50
what they just skip they skip intro
06:52
straight away kind of piece of [ __ ]
06:57
does that
06:59
i think it i mean i would think that’s
07:01
monstrous if you don’t listen to a
07:03
show’s theme song at least the first
07:05
time but i often want to hear it every
07:07
time i think there’s something wrong
07:10
with you
07:11
do you think do you think that netflix
07:13
just made like a caricature monster
07:16
version no one really does that this is
07:18
a straw man red flag the straw man red
07:20
flags that netflix made to just be
07:22
completely self-serving with their
07:23
marketing department tweeting out this
07:25
nonsense
07:26
ah that’s good we’re victims of
07:28
sensationalist media right now this is
07:30
why we have you in the room
07:33
always read always
07:35
see him behind the smoke reading between
07:36
the lines
07:38
full season one i think for a full
07:40
season one you should be watching that
07:41
intro do you know why i like the intro
07:44
i and i think this says something about
07:46
the way that i approach life yeah yeah
07:49
this says you’re a great guy go on
07:52
i didn’t say that it said i was a great
07:54
guy i just stephen i think if i can no
07:58
this is really going to say a lot about
07:59
you go on if i can be so
08:01
self-referential
08:02
i think that in this is some kind of
08:04
little secret to life
08:06
and and yes i’m claiming it as my own
08:10
i watch the intro
08:12
with the theme music
08:14
because to me
08:16
when we truly want to enjoy something in
08:19
life
08:20
it starts by getting connected to it
08:25
it’s the same when i go and do a speech
08:27
i can have all of the words i can have
08:30
all of the knowledge of what i’m going
08:31
to say
08:33
but
08:34
you know
08:35
and jameson knows that any time i’m
08:37
about to get on stage
08:39
i’ll always have a moment where i either
08:41
say to myself or one of you
08:43
why is this important again
08:46
why do i need to do this why do i need
08:48
to say this
08:49
and that moment is essential
08:53
to giving a good speech or making a
08:55
great video
08:56
is why
08:58
is this important in other words i need
09:00
to get connected to it
09:02
in order to do a good job and any time
09:04
that it takes me a while to warm up
09:07
whether it’s a webinar or a video or
09:09
whatever
09:10
is because i didn’t start connected but
09:12
when someone says well you were a little
09:14
slow in the beginning but then oh my god
09:16
you’re a fire it’s because
09:17
somewhere along the way i got connected
09:21
and then it flowed differently
09:23
and when i watch
09:25
the theme song
09:28
or the the music the build up to
09:30
whatever show it is
09:33
that’s just two minutes of me
09:36
really sitting into the experience of
09:38
what i’m about to watch and going oh
09:40
yeah i’m here for this this is what i’m
09:42
doing for the next half hour i’m excited
09:45
i’m getting connected
09:47
the only one you’re allowed to skip is
09:49
the morning show which is about three
09:51
minutes long so that might be the only
09:52
one you can permit
09:54
but it’s a fun little tune i still i
09:56
still watched the game of thrones must
09:58
have the record for the longest theme
09:59
song ever and i still i sat through it
10:01
each time that was one of the great
10:03
theme songs um okay another one um
10:07
men who call it cute when you say you’re
10:09
going to do something any competent
10:12
adult could do like put furniture
10:14
together or change your own oil throw
10:16
those men in the trash we can’t really
10:18
answer this one matt because i guess we
10:20
haven’t experienced that but the idea of
10:23
someone con the idea of someone
10:24
condescending you for anything you’re
10:27
capable of doing
10:28
well steve it’s cute that you think i’ve
10:30
never experienced that yeah because i
10:32
have very good all right i did have i
10:35
remember telling someone that what i did
10:39
for a living
10:40
and they went
10:42
oh that’s so cute
10:43
i hate that i hate that stuff i love
10:46
that as well
10:47
it is it is a terrible terrible
10:50
low low quickly we’ve made him angry
10:53
no
10:53
no
10:54
we’ve made steve
10:55
that one you you were all oh no it
10:58
doesn’t really happen to us that’s a
11:00
that must be something we can’t relate
11:01
to i literally said it and immediately i
11:04
just see you saw red now i’m going yeah
11:07
we men get that all the time we’re
11:08
getting condescended you know how
11:10
seriously i take my work
11:12
and someone said oh that’s really cute
11:14
and i immediately had no interest it
11:17
just was like oh god this is such an
11:20
inappropriate response to something
11:22
that’s really important to me and uh and
11:25
it’s it’s it’s all about reading the
11:27
room uh and i i suppose that’s
11:29
interesting as a spin as a distinction i
11:33
think that’s interesting that to hear
11:35
men do it
11:36
over things that women do that are just
11:38
everyday normal things but there’s that
11:41
patronizing
11:43
it’s cute that you’re doing something
11:45
that a human would do
11:47
right yeah exactly
11:49
um yeah oh it’s cute you can open up the
11:51
front of your car you know that sort of
11:53
thing and change the oil i think i have
11:56
a different interpretation of this tweet
11:58
than you guys
11:59
i just don’t
12:00
i kind of just call bs on it because
12:02
first of all when’s the last time you
12:04
changed your oil matthew
12:06
oh i can see where you’re going i think
12:08
that this i think that this woman’s
12:10
probably super competent at a lot of
12:12
really cool stuff and i guarantee that a
12:14
guy was probably like oh my god you did
12:16
you did that yourself that’s that’s
12:18
awesome
12:19
and she’s probably i mean look listen to
12:20
the last part of her tweet throw those
12:22
men in the trash this is an angry person
12:26
i’m a little bit i’m skeptical of this
12:28
tweet i think this is a this is an
12:29
example of the toxic twitter you were
12:31
talking about
12:32
damn he’s turned it around oh
12:35
interesting
12:38
look at how look at how defensive jay is
12:40
as a man being called out called out by
12:43
one person
12:44
and he immediately gets defensive i mean
12:47
he might as well be waving a giant red
12:49
flag over his head right now
12:52
can i just say that if i hurt you steve
12:54
it wasn’t my fault and i’m not sorry
12:59
um
13:00
this brilliant all right um let’s move
13:02
on from that one um
13:04
when conversations have to absolutely be
13:06
about them otherwise it’s boring or
13:08
unimportant
13:11
i mean yes obviously obvious red flag
13:13
obviously if someone’s not curious about
13:15
you
13:16
especially by the way in the dating
13:19
phase do you know what i mean because if
13:21
if they’re not curious about you
13:24
even during the time when it could get
13:25
them in your pants
13:28
then
13:29
what are they going to be like
13:30
afterwards
13:31
they’re not going to suddenly get more
13:32
curious about you
13:34
when no longer is it about politeness or
13:37
impressing you
13:38
right exactly
13:40
final one here
13:42
um because i thought it was quite funny
13:44
someone put
13:45
when he knows his zodiac sign it’s a red
13:47
flag or when he doesn’t know his zodiac
13:50
sign it’s a red flag
13:52
they’re just i thought that was a funny
13:55
damned if you do damned if you don’t
13:58
i
13:59
think it’s fine
14:01
for a man to know his zodiac sign
14:06
i think that if he brings it up as a
14:09
topic of conversation
14:11
you should not trust that man
14:14
and you should immediately stand up and
14:16
leave the date
14:18
and block his number and if he tries to
14:21
reach you another way
14:23
and says on instagram hey
14:25
um i don’t know what happened but my
14:27
text messages are no longer going
14:29
through to you
14:30
you call the police
14:32
or you say i thought you’re an aries you
14:34
should have known not to talk like that
14:36
in front of me steve let me tell you
14:38
something when a guy brings up star
14:40
signs
14:42
that’s not about his interest in star
14:44
science so you see it as pure light he’s
14:46
a pure attack he’s a pure strategist
14:49
he’s a he’s a piece of [ __ ] liar
14:54
yeah did he have her first folks
14:56
he is a liar steve steve do you know how
14:59
many times in my life
15:01
in my
15:03
life
15:05
i have been one of my male friends old
15:07
or new
15:09
and in the middle
15:11
of our activity together as men
15:14
he said
15:16
what star sign are you bud
15:19
how many times does that happen how many
15:20
times do you think
15:22
zero steve
15:24
[ __ ] zero
15:26
what’s your stars and do you know how
15:28
many times i’ve been on a hike with a
15:30
man
15:32
and halfway through that hike i did
15:34
something
15:35
i said a certain thing
15:38
i said oh my uh my house is so messy
15:42
right now
15:43
and they went
15:44
what star sign are you
15:47
do you know how many times they took one
15:49
of the things i said and then used it as
15:52
a way to pivot to what star sign i am
15:55
and how that behavior was so
15:56
quintessentially
15:59
capricorn do you know how many times
16:00
steve oh god be a few hasn’t it how many
16:03
absolutely [ __ ] zero me
16:05
zero again knew it there you go so when
16:07
a guy is on a date with you
16:10
and he starts pulling out all of that
16:12
horoscope knowledge
16:15
proceed at your peril
16:17
this is a man who has got a devious mind
16:20
the lex luthor of astrology for shame
16:24
fair enough um what’s good dude i think
16:27
we uh covered some ground there i want
16:29
to ask you about a few amber flags matt
16:32
and if you agree these are like
16:34
hmm and these are ones i’ve sort of
16:36
wrote down
16:37
come on
16:38
someone too comfortable with
16:40
offering criticism early on
16:43
that’s what yeah i’ll move more quickly
16:45
through these but yeah that’s one to
16:47
talk about that’s a conversation
16:49
i don’t feel i don’t i feel judged by
16:51
you or i don’t feel like you’re
16:53
accepting me
16:54
um that’s a con that’s a conversation
16:57
now this is a careful one but someone
16:59
who doesn’t have any friends or we could
17:02
say
17:03
a woman who has no female friends or a
17:04
man who has no friends
17:07
hmm interesting
17:11
um yeah i would say that’s it’s an amber
17:13
flag
17:14
because some people are loner-ish
17:16
so that’s why i’m thinking it’s a hum i
17:18
don’t know i’d say if someone has if
17:20
someone has no friends that might be a
17:21
red flag
17:23
someone who has never had a long-term
17:25
relationship and their past 35.
17:31
[Music]
17:35
i think that’s an amber i’m gonna go
17:37
amber because i think that’s a
17:38
conversation
17:39
right
17:40
so you’re great you’re agreeing with me
17:43
yeah yeah um
17:44
if you have very different religious or
17:47
spiritual beliefs
17:50
um
17:52
and for that’s amber that’s a good amber
17:54
because that’s that requires significant
17:56
conversation
17:57
but but it’s not insurmountable
18:00
okay this is quite a specific one i
18:02
wonder what you think
18:03
someone who can’t enjoy something
18:06
because it wasn’t their first choice
18:11
what like what would be an example of
18:13
that like there was the restaurant they
18:16
really wanted to go to and you got the
18:17
second best because you know you both
18:19
couldn’t get into that one or the second
18:21
best activity
18:23
but they make a thing of like they
18:25
didn’t get the first choice it’s like a
18:27
thing that’s a red flag that’s a red
18:28
flag that’s a red flag how you can enjoy
18:31
life with that person life is full of
18:32
second choices
18:34
i also feel i feel like that’s wildly
18:37
specific steve is this like is this some
18:39
uh
18:40
is there some trauma you want to talk
18:42
about
18:43
who have you dated that’s done that
18:46
um have you tried to take someone to a
18:47
restaurant
18:49
and sold them on it and gone asked to
18:51
tell you this is i call it they all know
18:53
me here this is a great this let me tell
18:55
you this
18:56
is a great they call it stevie’s joint
18:59
it’s a great restaurant i don’t say it
19:01
like michael caine but yeah go on
19:04
okay here you go i’ll call this stevie’s
19:06
joint i walk in everyone says hello the
19:07
food’s delicious they got this amazing
19:10
pizza oh they tell you even if you don’t
19:12
eat pineapple on pizza you’ll eat it on
19:14
this pizza they do a pizza the whole
19:16
base is pineapple it’s delicious and
19:19
you’ve really sold this pineapple-based
19:21
pizza
19:22
and then
19:23
all of a sudden you rock up and they go
19:27
um i’m sorry sir we don’t have a
19:29
reservation for you
19:31
and you go don’t you know who i am
19:34
and they say i’m sorry sir we’ve never
19:36
seen you before
19:39
and so you have to trundle off
19:41
to chipotle
19:43
or
19:44
whatever other establishment is nearby
19:47
yeah if i do that and they give me and
19:48
they give me something and then no and
19:50
then and then you go to the next place
19:53
hang on i’m not i’m just
19:55
you go to the next place
19:57
and your date
19:59
has been
20:01
it’s been sold
20:02
on this pineapple base
20:06
and this place that’s you know you’ve
20:09
nicknamed
20:10
[Music]
20:11
that you’ve nicknamed stevie’s joint yep
20:15
they now can’t get it out of their mind
20:17
and they can’t enjoy the burrito you’ve
20:19
taken them for yeah is that what you
20:21
meant yeah and they give me stick about
20:23
it and they and they just just subtly
20:26
just subtly they like seem a bit
20:28
disappointed the whole day like oh you
20:29
did say we were gonna go to
20:31
that stevie’s place if they bring it up
20:33
again
20:34
then i’m annoyed
20:36
that actually exists this is actually
20:39
this actually happened this isn’t
20:41
something i’m true
20:42
and
20:43
what’s more if you nailed it i feel like
20:45
this is exactly what happened this
20:46
really happened
20:50
it feels like something that did happen
20:52
but my point is
20:56
my point is you’ve got i want someone
20:58
who can enjoy
21:00
the oh we didn’t do the favorite thing
21:02
today right we didn’t get number one
21:05
choice every time like this time we’re
21:07
doing oh we do second best and i want
21:10
them to then go with a good attitude
21:12
right yeah yeah yeah
21:14
this is obviously self-authored so i
21:16
feel like you need to be the one who
21:18
says whether this is amber or red and
21:20
i’ll tell you what steve from everything
21:21
you’ve said and how upset you’ve been
21:23
over it
21:24
i am surprised you put it in the amber
21:26
category i want them to enjoy the little
21:29
things okay
21:30
well let’s list it as red then
21:33
so how many ambers
21:35
makes a red
21:38
well i think here okay i’m gonna because
21:41
we’re gonna have to wrap this up steve
21:43
but i do i want to finish on something
21:45
that i think is going to be very
21:46
valuable for people as a as a bit of
21:49
insight i suppose um there is a
21:51
difference between red flags and amber
21:53
lights
21:56
a red flag is something that we should
21:59
genuinely you know it falls under that
22:02
ignore at your peril
22:04
category
22:06
now the dangerous thing about red flags
22:08
is that
22:09
often
22:11
red flags are disguised as exciting or
22:15
attractive qualities about someone
22:18
they’re the bad boy they’ve got this
22:21
edge to them they
22:24
have a certain amount of spontaneity or
22:27
excitement or you know they charm
22:30
everyone on the first date and everyone
22:32
loves them and they say all the right
22:34
things in any given moment sometimes red
22:37
flags can be disguised as exciting
22:41
qualities and so we start chasing the
22:43
wrong thing that’s what’s so dangerous
22:46
about some red flags
22:49
however there are amber lights which i
22:52
define
22:54
as
22:55
conversations things that
22:58
you should talk about
22:59
and use as an opportunity to either
23:05
find a real point of difference that
23:07
isn’t going to work or
23:10
find a moment of
23:12
coming together where you go oh we can
23:16
you feel this way oh that’s okay then
23:18
i’ll adjust that or let’s talk about it
23:20
let’s come to a place of greater
23:21
understanding
23:22
amber lights are actually the makings of
23:25
a relationship the ability to talk about
23:28
differences
23:30
and to use those to become stronger
23:33
is one of the defining characteristics
23:34
of strong relationships
23:37
now what i think is interesting about
23:39
amber lights
23:41
is that
23:42
sometimes they’re disguised as red flags
23:47
sometimes
23:49
especially when we have our demons which
23:51
we all do we have our insecurities
23:54
someone can do something
23:56
that to us
23:58
we
23:59
it freaks us out in some way it feels
24:02
like this is like that thing
24:04
that someone once did to me that
24:07
right now it’s not really that thing but
24:10
but because it’s
24:12
coming in some form that makes me think
24:14
of that you know like it’s almost like
24:16
if i’ve been cheated on a bunch of times
24:18
and then this person i’m with is out
24:21
all night and doesn’t text me
24:25
now we might go red flag
24:29
that’s a red flag
24:30
and when we see a red flag especially
24:33
when it’s related to one of our demons
24:35
one of our the things that we’re scared
24:37
of
24:38
it sends us into fight or flight mode
24:41
so
24:42
fight mode is you finally get hold of
24:44
them you finally speak to them and you
24:46
unleash hell on them
24:48
for the way that you have just felt and
24:49
for how afraid you are you yell at them
24:52
you argue with them you tell them all
24:54
the ways they’re wrong you judge the
24:56
behavior
24:58
or flight
24:59
you go cold you give them the silent
25:02
treatment
25:03
or you just stop returning their calls
25:05
you don’t text them back because you’re
25:07
like
25:08
that feels like
25:09
something just got poked in me that’s
25:12
made me terrified it’s aggravated my
25:13
trauma i’m running for the hills i’m
25:16
gonna get this person away from me
25:17
because this means danger the danger
25:20
with amber lights
25:22
is that
25:23
sometimes our own trauma
25:26
can make those amber lights look like
25:28
red flags when actually they are an
25:30
invitation
25:32
for us to have a conversation for us to
25:35
reveal more of ourselves our wounds who
25:38
we are as a person for us to understand
25:40
more about somebody else for us to get
25:43
better at setting boundaries
25:46
amber lights are an invitation to
25:48
strengthen the relationship and heal our
25:50
trauma
25:52
but if we go in straight into fight or
25:53
flight because we see it as a red flag
25:56
then we may never get the chance to do
25:59
all of those wonderful things because
26:01
we’ll either scare ourselves off and run
26:03
away or will scare them off in the early
26:05
stages with how we just treated them
26:09
i am fascinated by this because i think
26:12
it’s kind of easy to list a bunch of red
26:14
flags and say yeah if you see this run
26:16
for the hills but i think the reality
26:19
of relationships and early dating
26:22
is that
26:23
usually
26:25
or very often we find ourselves in
26:28
situations where we simply aren’t sure
26:32
we’re not sure of whether something is a
26:34
genuine red flag we’re not sure if
26:37
they’ve done anything wrong or if it’s
26:39
our trauma if we’re the one being high
26:41
maintenance if we’re the one who needs
26:43
to check our ego if we’re the one who’s
26:45
just being overly anxious we’re not sure
26:48
if we’re being over demanding
26:51
we’re not sure if it’s appropriate to
26:52
say something we have an argument with
26:55
someone and we come out of it
26:58
completely spinning as to whether we
27:00
just did a good thing or a bad thing
27:03
and
27:05
so i’m fascinated by this distinction
27:07
between red flags and amber lights red
27:10
flags ignore your peril amber lights and
27:13
invitation to a conversation
27:17
hey before you go i have something big
27:20
to tell you about i on the 7th of
27:22
december i’m doing a two hour deep dive
27:26
master class on the topic of red flags
27:30
here’s what we’re going to be talking
27:31
about firstly how to spot red flags but
27:34
we’re also going to be talking about the
27:36
things that maybe aren’t red flags
27:39
they’re not things we should run away
27:40
from when we see them but they are
27:42
things that we should have a
27:43
conversation about how do you navigate
27:45
those moments how do you use the
27:47
conversation that you have around those
27:48
moments to build a strong relationship
27:51
because i truly believe that long-term
27:53
relationships are built on the
27:56
conversations that are had in those
27:58
moments of friction but you’ve got to
27:59
know when to have them and how to have
28:01
them and that’s what i’m going to be
28:03
talking about in this two hour deep dive
28:06
master class it’s happening live on
28:08
december the 7th and you can join it as
28:11
long as you are a member of my love life
28:14
club if you’re not a member right now
28:17
don’t worry you can join for free for 14
28:20
days on a two-week trial just to come
28:23
and see if you like it go to
28:25
askmh.com for all of the details
28:28
and i’ll see you
28:40
[Music]
28:49
you
—
This post was previously published on YouTube.
***
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The post “These 16 Things Can’t All Be Dating Red Flags, Can They??” [Video] appeared first on The Good Men Project.