Let me preface this with saying there are many moms I love and adore and genuinely enjoy spending time with. However, a group of cliquey moms, that is an entirely different story.
Im a writer which means I am always thinking if you could see the cyclone of words, ideas, thoughts memories etc., swirling in my head youd get dizzy. It also means that I feel emotions deeply, what impacts others impacts me. I dont even have to know them, it can be a stranger, it can be a commercial even, if it involves emotions Im sucked in faster than an unmatched sock while vacuuming. Also, being a writer means that I love to be alone. You cant be alone in a group!
An acquaintance invited me once to a mom thing and I just blew it! Shocking right?! I have this inability to b.s. my way through anything, I cant be a fake to save my life and my facial expressions give me away every dang time. Truth is, Ive done the trying to fit-in thing, and Im just not a fit-in-able kind of girl let alone a club-cliquey kind of mom.
Fitting in is too much work for me. The energy it takes to be always on and pleasing is exhausting. My soul craves authenticity, messiness and side-splitting humor derived from lessons learned by making actual mistakes. If you are not a mistake maker or a recovering mistake maker, how could we ever chill on a couch trading mom stories together? We cant! Here are some reasons I am in a solo mom clique. If you are anything like me, we should chat.
I leave dishes in the sink, laundry in a pile on the floor and we live in our house. I cant have just anyone pop over uninvited!
My house is full of teenagers and then some, dogs, a husband that thinks where he takes off his clothes equates to a laundry basket and me who sometimes ignores all of that and will leave it until tomorrow. Do I take pride in a clean home, oh you bet your sweet tushy but will I leave it to spend time with my family or savor a few moments of solitude, you better believe it. We are not a for show type of family. Our kids raise farm animals and my daughter has poop on her boots, our boys play sports and leave anything with wheels lying around the house and prepare yourself, our dog poops on the kitchen floor when it is to dang cold outside for his princely paws.
Im allergic to b.s. and drama! Like, I will break out in hives and most likely say something I will totally regret.
Lying irks me beyond belief and I can spot someone who lies a mile away. Even adding to a story to make it more exciting, nope cant handle it! So when someone is b.s.-ing their way through anything I am not liable for my reaction. It is like there is a meter that goes off and I just short-circuit. The word drama itself is irritating. The definition is an exciting, emotional, or unexpected series of events or set of circumstances. But here is the thing drama today is not exciting or unexpected. Just turn on Bravo or E!, and you wont need drama. Problem solved.
Shots, Shots, Shots ofcoffee???
Im not a huge drinker so the mom groups of the like I cant hang. My daughter asked why I dont ever just go out and be wild oh honey! let me tell you. Did that, did that real well, and even bought the t-shirt! There is a time and place for a good time but Im forty-years-old and taking shots isnt exactly exciting anymore. It was more exciting when I was 20 and it was illegal. Or that one time I made hot chocolate with creme de menthe and took it to our sons baseball tournament and couldnt figure out why I took a nap in the car for a couple hours!!!! Yep! That happened, total mom fail but in my defense it was completely unplanned and so warm and delicious.
Im a lover not a fighter. A positive Polly not a negative Nancy.
I used to be a fighter. There was immense enjoyment in calling people out, using my words to hurt or anger someone who had done the same to me, but not anymore. It is funny what living life, making mistakes and being human does for a person. Now, I just want to be happy, love others, include the outsiders, encourage and motivate people. Zero Judgment what-so-ever. Other women are not my competition and if it turns into one, I will bow out gracefully and let you win my friend. It must mean more to you if its important enough to fight for. Oh, and negativity! I just cant. Ive had a crappy life before and I mean reaalllyyyy crappy. If I can find positive in that pile of crap, so can you! You can do it, I believe in you!
Dont tell me what they said about me, tell me why they were comfortable talking about me to you.
Susie will always have something to say about Sally. What I want to know is why you are telling me? And, how much of what I have shared with you, have shared with someone else? If they talk to you about someone else, they will most likely talk to someone else about you. That aint cool Karen! I think this past year was the most Ive said, I dont want to know and Its none of my business ever in my life. And it is empowering! Not to mention, that I would most likely end up being friends with the person you are talking badly about because I am a huge fan of the outsiders, the underdogs and the misunderstood.
Good food for thought too is that the person you are gossiping about, the horrible thing you heard (keyword: heard) they did. It may just be something Ive done in my past too. And, yes, I know youll say it is different because you love me but is it really all that different? Really? Nope! Arent we supposed to love everyone and not judge anyone? How about you just put those stones down and you can thank me later, okay? Okay.
Its not you, its me!
If there was a group of moms who supported instead of judged, talked to and not about and just loved God and their husbands while doing their very best to not raise crappy kids that would be my group. Oh and loves food, comfy clothes and hallmark. And cusses sometimes, has peed their pants laughing at least once and has made mistakes. Yep, that is my mom group. Care to join?
A version of this post was previously published on TotallyJessifiable and is republished here with permission from the author.
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