Being the dominant one in a relationship doesn’t just mean you lead the way in the bedroom. Women love a man who will take charge in all aspects of a relationship, but it can be a fine line between being dominant and controlling.
Being the dominant partner doesn’t give you the right to say and do what you want. Don’t think for one second it allows you to bully or manipulate your partner into doing things they have no desire to do. Nobody wants to date a real-life version of Partick Bateman from American Psycho. Your dominance in the relationship should be reflected through the strength of your character and how you make your girlfriend feel safe and protected.
If you feel like you’re not wearing the pants or your partner wants you to take control more in certain situations, we are here to help. We’ve outlined some top tips to help you reclaim your dominance, along with a little bit of information about dominant behavior and what it all means.
What Is Dominant Behavior?
Men who are seen as dominant are often referred to as alpha males. This brings to mind images of tall, handsome, muscular men who were the quarterback of their high school football team and now work in finance and enjoy chugging beers with their bros on the weekend. While this description of a dominant man does ring true, not all men share this behavior. Anyone who is confident and has a take-charge attitude can be seen as dominant.
According to the pioneering theory by Irwin Bernstein, dominant behaviors are learned progressively. Men who are dominant often learn this behavior from their parents. While most men begin to show dominant traits while growing up, this doesn’t mean you can’t learn to become a dominant male today. Being outgoing, confident, and happy to express your opinion can help you transform into a dominant partner.
Dominant individuals are often the ones in a circle of friends or relationships who take charge and are the more influential. This involves them being the center of things and pushing their ideas and thoughts onto someone.
People with a dominant personality are often goal-orientated, competitive, decisive, tough, and occasionally aggressive, but they can also be kind and caring. Dominant men are often more concerned with the results than the method, which can sometimes impact their personal relationships with people.
In the workplace, for example, a dominant boss is more concerned about getting the job done than making friends with their colleagues. This might be good for business, but not great for relationships. That’s why this type of behavior in a relationship needs to be more of a two-way street. That might seem like a contradictory statement, but if you become overly dominant and controlling, you will create an environment that will make your partner feel trapped and possibly scare her.
While you can still be the one making the big calls, setting goals, and going after what you both want, you should do so in a caring and sincere way. Use your dominant streak to care for your partner and make sure you pay them the attention they deserve.
Good and Bad Dominant Traits
There are a number of different traits that dominant men possess, but not all of them are great. Here is a quick rundown of the traits that define good and bad dominant behavior.
Good
- Respectful
- Caring
- Strong
- Take charge attitude
- Confident
- Leader
Bad
- Manipulative
- Controlling
- Enforce co-dependency
- Abusive
- Aggressive
A good dominant man is someone who can take charge and make decisions without doing so in a controlling or abusive manner. While you want to show you are the alpha male, you do this through communication, listening, and being respectful.
Below are 12 tips to help you be dominant without controlling in your relationship.
1. Show Self-Control and Discipline
Dominate people generally like to be in control of all aspects of their life, from their work to their relationships to their diet. This means they are great at self-control and being disciplined. Dominate men often look after their bodies and keep fit. While aggressive behavior is a bad trait of dominant men, those with self-control will know when they need to be calm and centered. This is especially notable when getting into an argument. A dominant man with discipline won’t yell and act like a crazy man but try and reason clearly and calmly. He will be happy to engage in conversation with his partner and hear what they have to say.
2. Be Goal Orientated
A major trait of dominant men is their ability to set goals and achieve them. Now we don’t expect you to be setting ridiculously hard goals, like being a millionaire before turning 30, but you can certainly set targets that you believe you can accomplish. These can be in all aspects of your life and be small goals, like losing the weight you put on over Christmas, or bigger goals, like gaining that promotion at work. Having goals shows your partner you are driven and always looking to improve yourself. Throw in some relationship goals and she will go weak at the knees.
3. Know What You Want
Similar to having goals, a dominant man knows what he wants out of life and goes for it. This doesn’t mean you need to take unnecessary risks, but come up with a plan and fulfill it to achieve the desired outcome. The dominant man will also get other people to help him if need be but do so in a way that benefits them both. He won’t take advantage of people or manipulate them into doing what he wants. By being fair and helping the other person, everyone comes out of the situation in a good place.
If you’ve already got the girl you want, that doesn’t mean you can’t keep reminding her why you wanted her so badly. Be sure to always lavish her with praise and make her feel like the queen she is. Remind her that you love her and always will.
4. Don’t Take No for an Answer
Ok, that’s not entirely true, but just because something doesn’t work out at first doesn’t mean you can’t keep trying. So you didn’t get that promotion at work. It doesn’t mean you are a failure and you should give up. Gather feedback on why it didn’t go your way and work on those areas and improve so next time you have a better chance of getting the job.
Or maybe you and your partner are trying to get a loan but the big banks aren’t playing ball. A dominant man will take that in his stride and keep pushing forward, exploring all options to get that loan so you can buy your first house together or get that new car you both want. You need to be able to deal with these types of setbacks and push on with life.
5. …But Also Know When To Say No
I’m not trying to confuse you, I promise, but there are also times when saying no is also the way to go. If you feel pressured to do something or act a certain way by your other half, you have to have the confidence to tell her no. Obviously, do this in a respectful manner, but she has to understand that there are certain things that are non-negotiable for you.
If your lady normally wears the pants this might be a tough thing to do, but you can’t have her walking all over you. Especially if she is trying to change you by making you wear certain clothes or telling you not to hang out with your friends. This also goes for when you are the dominant one. You can’t expect her to agree with everything you say and have to be ready to concede on occasions.
Be firm yet calm when discussing these issues. Explain to her how you feel and give reasons for your decision. If she can understand then she is more likely to be ok with it. Screaming no and telling her you can do what you want whenever you want isn’t going to cut the mustard and is sure to end in tears.
6. The Power of Body Language
Show your lady you mean business by the way you hold yourself. Whether you are in public or at home, the way you carry yourself says a lot about you. Dominant men have solid posture (no slouching) and an approachable demeanor. Smiling at people puts them at ease while a firm handshake shows you aren’t a pushover.
When with your lady, put your arm around her and make her feel secure. Stroke her neck or rub her back. Be physical without overstepping the mark. These small gestures will make her feel wanted and show you are in charge without flaunting your dominance.
7. Lead By Example
Take the bull by the scruff of the neck and show your partner you are in charge. Be decisive with your decisions and take the lead. There’s nothing worse than sitting around trying to decide where to eat or what movie to watch and nobody can make a decision. Be the one to make the choice and get on with it. Also, handle the finances. Women love a man who can take charge and sort out the bills and who understands where the money going. It shows you are good with money and also enhances your commitment to her.
8. Take Risks
Life is all about taking risks. If you never get out of your comfort zone, you will end up leading a pretty boring life. You have to be willing to make the big moves to get the reward. This might involve quitting the job you loathe to pursue your passion or challenging yourself with your fitness goals. In a relationship, this involves being open and vulnerable. Be ready to talk about your feelings with your partner. Discuss your desires and goals in life. If there is something bothering you, let your partner know. She may not like what she hears but will be grateful for you being honest.
Ask her to move in with you. Get down on one knee and propose. Tell her you want kids. These might not seem likes risks, but with any decision in life, you are taking a chance and hoping for the best. Embrace these moments with your significant other and give it your all and you will reap the rewards.
9. Keep a Calm Demeanor
A dominant man doesn’t need to yell and swear to get his point across. Be confident with your words and behave in a calm fashion. You are an adult, after all, so act like one. Your partner will be grateful if you can discuss things in a mature fashion without making a scene. It shows you are in control of your emotions and not likely to fly off the handle when things don’t go your way.
10. Don’t Be Afraid To Give Your Opinion
Dominate men have no problem giving their opinion on a situation, even if it’s not to everybody else’s liking. In a relationship, this is extremely important, because if you don’t stand up for what you believe you will be treated like a doormat. Have conviction in what you believe and be confident when you speak to your partner about issues you might be having in the relationship. This allows you to both express your opinions in a safe space free from judgment. On the flip side, be prepared for your partner to do the same or not agree with your opinion. If this is the case then talk about things. Don’t get into a shouting match or try and force what you believe onto her. That’s just not on and will damage the relationship.
11. Be Respectful
Being the dominant one in a relationship doesn’t give you the right to do as you please. You still have to respect your partner and their wants and needs. Even if you make most of the decisions and your partner is happy for you to take the lead, there are certain things where you will both need to be on the same page. Important life decisions need input from you both. You have to respect her opinion and take on board her thoughts and feelings.
12. Take Control in the Bedroom
This last tip can depend on the sexual relationship you already have with your partner. While most men prefer to be dominant in the bedroom, there are some women who like to be the one in control, and if that is the case and that works for you, great. But if you want to take charge there are a few things you can do. You should be the one that initiates and decides on how things are going to go in the bedroom.
If your lady is usually on top, tell her you want to be on top. Let her know what you want to do to her. These are general tips, but if you want things to get a bit more freaky, be sure to talk with your partner about this first to make sure she is also keen. You can’t just start choking her or slapping her in the face without her knowing. You need her consent so you both have an understanding of what is allowed and what isn’t. As mentioned previously, communication is key, especially when it comes to sex.
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